Personal log 005

How long does the world trembles in fear...

everyday mankind takes a step into destruction...

every sunday all i hear is the end of the world surmon...

Fear The Lord...2012? Revalation?

everything is so unclear...

people Act Like the know when is the end.

people fear the end.

people being ignorant to the end.

im losing faith to the world.

but i am willing to remain strong to the lord.

End of the world, end of time. what are u so afraid of?

if u believe in everlasting life and salvation why go on crying about it?

sure u must preach but at least make something to make people keep the faith on.

NOT GO PREACH DARKNESS, DUDE U ARE SCARING PEOPLE NOT PREACHING

teach how to give faith and have faith please.

And last please dont be Hippocrates...

telling me what to wear, telling me god is punishing because u play games while eating bufffet??

telling me not going to church means im a devil.

FORCING ME TO BAPTIZE IN A YOUNG AGE WHEN I MENTION CLEARLY IM NOT READY!!

SIGH...

if its our end so be it.

Personal log 004

In the way on how i lead my life.

i have lead a very happy face in the outside

but

inside the happy person lies a wounded soul.

i have been brought to a secondary school (highschool) on my first day

realizing the brutality on the world that had poured on me.

Friends don't easily come by and i was alone for 3 years.

On the third year i have moved back with my family, trying to regain and establish

contact with my old friends the one i have hope to be happy with. Instead i have only found more darkness.

i have suffered a painful sensitive skin causing my neck to bleed every day and itch, and to thought i could joke with my old friends like the old time. I have been threaten with an entire gang coming after me with armed wooden sticks from the pens. On the first day of school... i was once again alone in absolute darkness.

Life is hard on me as i told i can never trust a person again and if i did i will be wounded again.
because this really happen in my life, no one help me as i did nothing wrong and was forced 10MYR out of me.

I always told myself what do i hold dearest in my life.
i seemed to lost that purpose already...(writing this story down hurts me alot...)

I MYSELF HERE, STAND TO ASSIST ANYONE IN NEED AS LONG AS I CAN HELP I WILL DO IT.

did i do it... yea, i did it for the friendship, not for love, not for a price just friendship.
hoping this line can never be broken, it somehow did...
to a girl...why fear me, why are u so afraid? i myself is puzzled with that.

to my friend since primary (elementary school) i have done wrong yes, but dont lock me out please.
i regretted on what i have done and i ask for one thing on the day u left. let me meet him once more and appreciate what i have.

I want to feel something that is lost in me for 5 years. I have something no other teenagers felt.
HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS...
SOCIALIZING...
HAVING OUTINGS...

I feel so isolated, lonely, hoping to feel something once more.
i would love to feel what a birthday party feels like for once =)
sadly i never had.

I here today still hoping to see that day as im typing this story of my 5 year ended life line.

to my father in heaven thy will be done may your blessing guide me to shine with the stars.
for if the world hated me, i know u stood beside me and loved me, amen....

-end log- 

Personal log: 3

a day i want to know do i have friends.

not the collage type.

my school times.

Nulla e reale; tutto e lecito. Requiescat in pace.

(NOTHING IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS PERMITED. REST IN PEACE)

please dont hate me, i wish for forgiveness

i wish for a turn in life,

i wish for a second chance,

i wish for freedom,

i wish to experienced true friendship. 

FOR THE RECORD

24 JUNE 2011. TODAY I RECIEVED MY ENGLISH RESULT, which i have send for remark since MAY.


THE MORE I WAIT THE MORE I WONDER AND I AM UNHAPPY WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT.
In my TRIAL EXAM i got a C and basically TRIALS ARE HARDER! SO WHY THE **** I GET A (D)!!


AS THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING I WOKE UP I WAS BLAMED FOR NOT STUDYING.
HELLO!!! ENGLISH IS MY BEST SUBJECT!!! HOW THE **** THAT HAPPEN I READ EVERYTHING EVERY FUCKING NOVEL IS ENCODED TO MY &%&(*$&  BRAIN!!! UNTIL NOW FRAGMENTS OF THE STORY REMAINS!!


i was left wondering. what did i do wrong.


the fact when i see that paper...i feel my heart ripped apart with the brutality of the world.
everything i have worked for gone with a D...
i have been left to die in this world miserably.


And i bet nobody gives a Damn. I...am...a...nobody is that it... WHATS THE POINT. I STRUGGLE, I FOUGHT, I WENT THROUGH 5 YEARS OF BULLIES WHO TAKE PLEASURE FROM ME AS I HOLD BACK HOPING A BRIGHTER FUTURE AND IT COMES TO THIS.


...so be it...if that how it is...if thats the will of god or not...i shall except it...and i will never return any favors.
IF MY PARENTS THROW A LECTURE SO BE IT, MY TIME HAS ENDED. IF IM BLAMED GO AHEAD I DONT GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE, MY HEART WILL ACHE WITH THE INNOCENT SOUL CRYING...2010...THE YEAR OF SPM every day i have endured the lecture of my parents calling me to study, study , study!!! even when i sleep the voice echoed with no peace...(PRACTICALLY IM SCREAMING HERE) LIKE i said whats the point for my struggle, what am i fighting for.


NOW I HAVE ONLY ONE OPTION...TAKE AN EXTRA YEAR IN THE ONE ACADEMY AND HOPE THEY WILL ACCEPT MY RECORD...if this is a challenge and its my end then im going to make such an end thats worthy of being a great animator and artist!
  

Personal Log 002

The destruction of Japan was devastating...

I hope and pray for them...

crops can be re grown,

houses can be rebuilt,

lifes are the ones that need rescuing.

As radiation leaks out i hope it stabilized, the world is ready to answer Japans call

and we will continue to support it!

i cant do much,but i can only donate some money.

I have nothing more to say...and hope the people of Japan the best of luck.

Personal Log 001

Chinese New Year has ended.

just like a season's of time,

And it seems i have been freed from torments of my past,

things are going lovely as expected and i wish more to bring life in the empty hearts.

i have collage now, and hope to enter major course at this March 10.

i have found peace.

and i just finish Radiata Stories, Non-human side lolz, i still have to finish the human side also ><.

and i have finish persona 3 the ending was epic and i love it so much.

lolz i didnt update since 2 weeks ago due to ps2 games.

and now i can lay low for awhile.

i hope to meet everyone soon, my friends the ones i could trust.

in future.

Happy Chinese New Year

New Year is around the corner and i have decided to move on

with my life, during the past i have struggled and have been through heart ach.

People i can trust and people i cannot trust,

many things made me miserable and being leftout.

2011,the day of changes have arrived and i hope to get a (360o) turn.

To the people who has been always their for me!

Chee Weng

Jasmin

Ariel

Wai Hong

Kenzo

Wei Kang

Nicholas Low

Julian Khoo

Angeline

Things have been going well, the past is the past

and we move on to the future.

Life's A Climb but the View is Great =D

keep an eye out of the horizon for we our roads

shall cross again =D

Friends were around at my time, i was blind to see it,

but there were time i was right as well, enemys were there.

&

It kept me alive to be suspicious on my surroundings,

and im grateful for that.

from a reckoning to hate and for that i found acceptance and betrayal.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

MAY YOUR YEARS BE LOVELY

AS A LOTUS FLOWER

AND MANY RED PACKETS =D